15 Reasons Arachnophobes Should Skip A Trip To Australia

15 Reasons Arachnophobes Should Skip A Trip To Australia
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Ah, Australia… Many people’s ideal vacation. It’s the other side of the world. The perfect climate, lovely people, flowing beer, a relaxed atmosphere and plenty of wildlife to explore. But that final point might just be exactly the reason to swerve clear of the place. Only things get pretty crazy creep-crawly-wise Down Under. The bugs and snakes are everywhere. And we mean EVERYWHERE. And they’re not like the ones most of us in the rest of the world are used to (unless you happen to live in the Amazon). These things are HUGE. The spiders especially. You’ve never seen anything like it. Here are 15 very, very good reasons to go somewhere elsewhere on vacation if you’re arachnophobic…

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The ‘Common Garden Orb Weaver’ isn’t a big spider, measuring in at between one and two inches. But these arachnids are nasty little things. Their bites cause bad swelling and pain. They won’t kill you, but the most annoying thing is – these things are everywhere. They might not pack much of a punch – unlike some spiders on this list – but they’re a common foe you just shouldn’t have to take on so often.

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The Huntsman spider is a well-known eight-legged freak. These things almost defy belief. Their sheer size is incredible. They grow up to a foot across and hunt impeccably. They’re brutal. They’re also called giant crab spiders and lizard-eating spiders because, well, they look like giant crabs and eat lizards. Imagine coming home to find one of these bad boys in the corner of your house… No thanks.

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Sydney Brown Trapdoor Spiders aren’t the most devastating¬†spiders on this list. They’re actually quite shy and retiring little beasts, but what does make them scary is their uncanny resemblance to the Syndney funnel-web spiders. And they are hardcore. So spotting a brown trapdoor (stop sniggering…) is likely to strike fear into your heart. And ruin your barbecue.

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The Aussie Black House Spider can’t kill you, but one of its bites are pretty nasty. They can cause¬†nausea, vomiting, sweating and giddiness. You can also develop pretty nasty skin lesions from their nips. Look at the size of it. And this is the ‘House Spider’, apparently. This spider, if you live Down Under, might just stroll into your house. And live with you. Nope. Nope. NOPE!

Arachnophobe

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White Tailed Spiders favorite food? Other spiders. So that must make them pretty unpopular in the arachnid world. But, if employed properly, they could prove popular with us humans. Just think – get a white-tailed spider in your employment and you can get them eating all the other spiders than try to gain entry. A pretty clever tactic, we reckon. You don’t need to pay them, either. The spider carcasses are they wages. Plus their spiders, they don’t need money.

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Australian Tarantulas are as horrible as they look. Their fangs are a centimeter long. They, like most spiders, won’t attack humans unless provoked. But when they are provoked, their kind of stand up on their back legs and make a weird whistling noise. It’s pretty intimidating. Even if you’re not an arachnophobe. Just look at the state of that thing up there? Truly horrible.

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Fiddleback spiders, also known as brown recluse spiders, are serious spiders. They aren’t the biggest, so they can sneak into your house. And into your shoes. And in between your buttocks while you’re asleep. We imagine. Our imagination is running riot, we’ve got to admit. These things give us the creeps. BIG TIME. The more we see, the more freaked out we’re getting, actually. We’re not sure if we can make it through all fifteen…

Arachnophobe

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This is the Mouse Spider. But unfortunately this big bug isn’t quite as cute as a mouse. But it’s just as big. These bad boys will bite you if cornered, but mostly – it’s just what’s known as a ‘dry bite’. But, if scared enough, they will bite with venom. They’re not able to kill you, but they can’t half hurt you. Weirdly, funnel-web spiders venom works as an antidote to the mouse spider bite. Presumably administered by a professional, not an actual funnel-web.

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Redback Spiders. Yet another reason to avoid Australia. This things are evil beyond belief. Well, okay – they’re not evil. But if you don’t like spiders, then these things are insane. They’re gonna haunt your nightmares. Look at this thing up here. It’s eating a goddamn lizard, for God’s sake! Which, as messed up and off putting as it is, you can’t deny it’s impressive. *tears up passport*

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Sydney Funnel Web Spiders are the daddies of the Aussie spider. Their bites are capable of causing serious damage to a human being. These crazy little things are off the scale when it comes to what they can do. For their size, it’s weird. They’re only a couple of centimeters across too. These things are nocturnal, so watch out at night for them. This is the extreme end of the spider scale. Seriously.

Arachnophobe

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Bird Eating Spiders are, as you can imagine – insane. Not literally, of course. We’re not questioning their mental health, we’re just telling you, as well you probably know, that when an insect (c’mon, they basically are…) can catch and eat a bird? It’s pretty jaw dropping. Just imagine what they can do to you. Yet another reason to steer clear of Australia as a place to live, huh?

Arachnophobe

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Australia. Where a giant spider nests in a nest of spiders. It’s spiders squared. This is why we’d rather live in any other country on Earth. We’re sure than Down Under really is a swell place to live, but when it’s dominated by arachnids like this, there’s not a single chance that you’re likely to see us there even for a day. It’s The Land of Spiders.

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For those of us that aren’t murderous types, even if we hate spiders, we’ll try and get them out of the house in the nicest way possible. We’re talking about employing the old classic glass/piece of paper technique. But it’s not that simple in Oz. You’ve got to upscale your thinking. Big plastic bowls and the like. This is a still from a video. And if you suffer from arachnophobia, you don’t want to see what happens next. Seriously.

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In countries that aren’t Australia, a spider on the toilet seat or in the bath is no big deal. But there? It’s something else. You sit down on this seat in the middle of the night without seeing this critter and you’re liable to have a heart attack and maybe even post-traumatic stress disorder. We know we would. We’re anxious just thinking about it. We need a paper bag. STAT!

Arachnophobe

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This image is quite literally the pinnacle of the spider world. This would make any true arachnophobes commit harikari instantly. It’s a giant Wolf Spider carrying her young. It’s basically an enormous spider-shaped bunch of spiders. A spider made up of spiders. We’ve had enough of all this. This has to stop. NOW.